This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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