I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
