oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
