apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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