I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
