Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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