before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
