The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
