You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
