Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
