I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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