Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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