The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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