ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
