i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
