i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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