I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
