Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
