I look better un-naked...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
