dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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