I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
