quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
