stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
