Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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