She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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