Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
