I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
