I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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