Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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