I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
