The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
