I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
