his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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