its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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