ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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