hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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