:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
