Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
