im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
