dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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