I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
