Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
