woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
