I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
