Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
