You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
