i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
