I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
