i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
