he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
