he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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