Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
